First Things First!

Tomorrow I'm going to sign paperwork for my new job and look at a couple apartments. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that some complexes in the area we want, in the price range we want, and of the quality we want, will have two bedroom openings!! This is apparently not an easy thing to come by in the Medical/Downtown area of Houston! I think it's funny that although I have no idea where I'll be living right now (even though I will be starting my new job in less than a month!), I have spent plenty of time on the internet and looking at magazines imagining what my new apartment will look like :) I know the colors I want, the furniture I will be sanding, painting and bringing (with my family's help). I have surfed pottery barn, target, bed bath and beyond, and linens and things for hours. It's my way to unwind after a long day of work. Sad, I know. But so much fun too!! So let's hope I find an apartment to put all of my "fun" ideas in! Wish me luck tomorrow!

Movin' On Out!!

That's right, I'm moving out! I have been living with my mom for the last year following my graduation from A&M. I knew that I didn't want to stay much longer than a year (though I do love my mom and her home-cooked meals), and I must say I am pleased with how quickly it all fell into place! I got a job at MHMR in Harris County as a Community Educator and Internal Trainer. Basically, from what I know so far, my job is to go into the community and educate them about MHMR and its services and to help train/mentor the new service coordinators. So, they need me to start July 23rd which means that I have very little time left in College Station. I can't get into an apartment in Houston until August, and I will have to stay with my awesome friend Cristina until then. I found a wonderful girl from my church who is also looking for a roommate in Houston, and she knows of another girl who needs a roommate as well. Since they are out of state for the summer, it's my job to find the apartment!! (Though we have done some looking already). God has truly guided this process of moving - I am so thankful to know I will be living with great Christian roommates! It's also a blessing financially. I have loved my job this year at MHMR Brazos Valley. Everything I've learned and all the people I've met have prepared me for this next job and this next phase of my life. Though I will miss my old job, I'm very excited and very ready for this change! Prayers for the move to a new place and start of my new job would be much appreciated :)

Giant Steps

I love visiting my grandparents on their farm. I've loved visiting ever since I was a little girl. As I've gotten older, my visits may not come as regularly, but my grandparents still love for their grandkids to come. I have tons of memories of all of the fun things we did and adventures we had - running through the creek, getting chased by mean longhorn cattle, throwing "dinner parties" (while getting to use my grandmother's good china!), driving the farm truck all by ourselves - the list is so long.

But one of the things I love most about my grandparents is not just how much fun they made it for me when I came to visit them but also for the way they stepped into my life at the times when I needed them most. Beginning my freshman year of college, they became the strong people who moved me into my dorm (those dorm beds weighed A TON!!), the people who moved me out as well, the people who came down for every birthday and holiday, the people who were always a phone call away when my car broke down or when I ran into another pole :), the people who were waving at me when I came to from getting wisdom teeth out, the people that called just to make sure I was alright, the people who cheered me on as I got my Aggie ring, and most of all, the people who made themselves my biggest supporters and fans.

So, the other day as I was sharing a rare (as of late) visit with my grandparents on their farm, my grandmother came into my room at her usual early hour in the morning, ready to talk as always. :) A sleepy me whose eyes were barely open half listened. And she made a comment about what "giant steps" I had taken towards maturity and wisdom since my freshman year of college. (She always chooses my worst hour to want to chat and become nostalgic). As I listened to her talk about how proud she was, I made myself wake up. I too began to think of how far I have come from that freshman in college, excited yet scared - some fear just a normal part of the college transition, and some from the difficult and really hurtful family situation I was in. I honestly didn't know how I was going to be able to make it through four years of college at that point without my dad's support or involvement in my life (literally and figuratively). Thanks to God, my amazing mother, and of course, my supportive grandparents who stood in the gap, I have made it to this point in my life!! Yes, I still have very far to go, but it's true that as I look back to my first year of college, I indeed have traveled giant steps to get here from there.

Can Women "Have it all?"

I've been thinking/reading about something this last week. Something that many people have really different opinions on. It's about women, and whether or not we can "have it all." My mom stayed home with me and did not work for the first eight years of my life - until she had to go back to work because she became a single parent. Even then, she structured a lot of her time around my sister and I. So, I grew up thinking that's the way it should be. The mom stays home - if she at all can, and her world is her children. Now that I am older, I have conflicted feelings. My mother does not regret staying home, but she does say that she wants better for my sister and I financially. She chose a career that would be ideal for raising children, but does not pay much. She also chose to stay out of that field for a while so she could be home with her children. Instead of honoring her for doing this, her husband chose to leave her - with two small children and no way to support them. It was hard. By God's grace we made it, but I do understand why my mother wants to make sure we can support ourselves.

If I am to get married some day, I will not get married with the fear that my husband might leave me. I try to explain this to my mom. It really is sad that my father chose to sin and run from his family and God. It hurt all of us so much. It had lasting consequences for our lives. But if I marry, I will marry trusting God that this is the person He has for me to spend my life with, and I will trust my husband to be faithful and have the same goals that I do. If I chose to work during my marriage/raising children, I want it to be because I desire to or feel God calling me to, not because I am afraid not to. That being said, if a girl feels like God has placed a calling on her life to go into a certain career/field, does that mean that she can't be a wife and mother too? I never thought so, but some people interpret the scripture very strictly when it comes to this topic. They strongly believe that the woman's place is at home. Her job is to serve her husband and her children. And working outside of the home will get in the way of her being able to do that. I don't necessarily disagree with these thoughts - but I do think that there is a not a "one size fits all" scenario for any family. It would depend on what the woman in question felt like she had the ability and strength to do - and what her husband feels comfortable with.

I have no idea how the calling God has given me in the area of mental health work/pursuing an advanced Psychology degree will fit into my life should I get married and have a family. Only he knows if I will get married and have a family - I would like to have those things, but right now I am focusing on the calling that I know I have from God; the calling that is right before me. There is a lot of pressure as a girl to focus on finding a husband and starting a family, especially when you've already graduated college. And especially when thirty starts to "loom" closer (ok, so it's six years away, but still!) But honestly, right now, that is not my goal. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing things "backwards," like I'm missing some memo that many other girls have seemed to have gotten. But for the most part, I just try to rest in the peace of knowing that I am exactly where God wants me to be, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Applying to PhD Programs in Clinical Psychology--A Sobering Discussion

“A friend of mine described the competition to get into a good graduate program in clinical psych this way: All the applicants have perfect grades and GREs over 1400 and wonderful letters from famous people. After that, he says, it's a crap-shoot.”

~Pat Cabe, Pembroke State University

“None of our students who applied succeeded in gaining entrance to clinical Ph.D. programs this year. One received 800 on one of her GRE subtests. In a discussion at a local area undergraduate conference recently, it turned out that no one knew of a single successful entry directly from the B.A. into a clinical psych Ph.D. program this year. Our top students did receive a few somewhat apologetic letters from a few programs.”

~Bill Scott, College of Wooster (weird name, I know, but a top Liberal Arts School)

So, if you know me well, then you probably have some idea that I want to go to graduate school in Psychology. I have wanted to get a graduate degree in Psychology since high school! College confirmed this desire, as I majored in Psychology, researched in labs, and volunteered in Psychology related fields. But I had no idea. I had no idea that getting into a PhD program would be so impossible!! People, even those with PhD’s themselves said, “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll have no problem getting in.” Little did they know!

I have now taken the GRE twice and made a decently competitive score (I worked hard for the math part!), I have spent this year working at Mental Health Mental Retardation serving as a caseworker for the intellectually disabled and mentally ill, and have applied TWICE (two years in a row) and have been turned down TWICE for PhD programs in Clinical and/or Counseling Psychology. I’ve filled out the LONG applications, I’ve submitted the letters of recommendations, and I’ve flown to the expensive out of state interviews. Whew! I must really want this because I’m considering doing it all again for a THIRD time!!

Visiting the few programs that actually gave me an interview (geez even getting one of those is hard!) has shown me one thing: I know this is what I want to do!!! I know this is where I want to be!!! This is why I am determined. Being stubborn, I didn’t want to apply to any Master’s programs in Clinical Psychology. I thought that I was PhD material. Lol. Well, I have been a little humbled. I still believe that I could succeed in a PhD program. But, I also know that God might have different plans for me than I have for myself. And if those include a Master’s program, then I will be incredibly grateful that I get to be in graduate school at all. He has placed a strong desire inside of me from a young age, and I know that He knows the best ways to develop and use it. This is why though I feel frustrated at times, I feel incredible PEACE. My next plan (God willing) is to work at Harris County’s Mental Health Mental Retardation (yes, I’m nuts, pray for me!!) and get involved in Clinical Psychology research at a nearby university (University of Houston??) After that, possibly applying to Master’s and maybe a few PhD programs. Third time’s a charm, right? :)