I'm Still Alive (I Think)

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I'm tired. This week marks the halfway point of the semester. That's right, I'm halfway done with my first semester of graduate school! I had two very intense tests this week. In fact, one of the tests was the hardest test I've ever taken. At the halfway point of the semester, I'm still alive but very ready for the other half to be over with so I can take a break. I had vague ideas of what graduate school would be like, but now I realize that I had no clue just how busy, demanding, and all consuming it is, at least in this program. I've gone through several stages of adjusting these last couple of months: having to give up a lot of outside activities/interests, getting used to working during most of my weekend, and feeling as if I don't have an identity outside of school. It's been a couple of years since I've done the whole school thing - taken tests and felt pressure to perform academically. This is another area of adjustment - because even if you were at the top of your classes in undergrad, it doesn't mean you will automatically be at the top in grad school [especially in a PhD program that was competitive to get into]. News flash: most everyone's smart and works really hard. The main take home lesson for me has been that grad school is nothing, I repeat nothing, like undergrad [people tried to tell me this but you have to experience it to believe it]. If I'm honest, there have definitely been days [multiple!] that I have questioned what I am doing here [in Mississippi, in grad school]. Some days are so tiring/rough [stats test?] that I wonder what would be so bad about dropping out and going to work at McDonald's down the street [let's be honest, it would be Chick-fil-A for me]. Despite these days, I know that this is the right field for me and the right program for me. I remember the many different things that have come together to bring me here. And when I doubt if it's all worth it and if I have what it takes, I pray that the God who led me here would also equip me with what I need to succeed. In this major marathon test of my endurance, it helps me to remember:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...

~Hebrews 12:1-2